Pets are Talking

Tuesday Training- PT. 2 How to be a Leader without being a Jerk- Pt. 2

Last week, I wrote about How to be a Leader without being a Jerk. This week, we're continuing that conversation to describe the idea of careful attention.

We humans are incredible multi-taskers. We are commonly in six places at once. We're thinking about what's for dinner, and what happened in last week's meeting and what the checkbook balance is. We're just thinking a lot about a lot of different things, that have happened, are happening or will happen. 

Pets, on the other hand, are pretty much just thinking about what's happening now. 

So, when we are training our pets, it's important that we're in the now too.

Case in point, last night, I was having dinner with some friends, including a sweet little dog named Squiggy. Squiggy is a lhasa apso, who likes to get his way. He's a little bit of a control freak. He kept barking and jumping up against my knee to get a bite of my dinner. 

I'd stop and say, "Hey, you might get a bite if you behave nicely." I sent him a little picture of him sitting and waiting for me to eat. He'd sit and wait. I'd go on with my conversation. Pretty soon, Squiggy would slam against my leg. 

This went on for about 20 minutes. I kept wanting to catch him being good and reward, but I also was distracted by the conversation. Squiggy was willing to do what I asked, but he expected a payment in time. I was missing my payment opportunities. 

So, I stopped talking for a moment. Squiggy jumped up on my leg. I gave him a look. He sat. I waited about 20 seconds, then I gave him a little hazelnut. He stayed down for the rest of the meal. Smart dog. 

Most training takes place during the little moments of the day. And training occurs whether we want it to our not. 

If our dog barks at traffic, and we don't stop them, they learn that barking at traffic is acceptable. If our cats take to scratching a wall, and we don't stop them, they learn that it's okay. 

When an animal starts doing a behavior, they are, on some level, trying it out to see if it's okay. 

This is where careful attention comes into play. When you're settling in with a new pet, be aware of what they're doing. The settling in period lasts for months. Pay careful attention to them. If they start doing a behavior that is unacceptable, let them know that it's unacceptable, immediately, when they start. If you don't catch them the first time, catch them the second. 

You don't have to be a freak about it. A simple, "We don't do that here." should suffice. 

The key to careful attention is having the presence to notice the activity when it starts, and asking the question, "Is this activity appropriate for my home?" 

Once you tell your pet it's not okay, give them a redirect.  Say, "Please do this instead." If your cat needs to scratch, they need to scratch. Ours have a cardboard box with some newspaper in it. It's scratchy heaven and our walls and furniture stay intact. 

The trouble with not-well-trained pets, is that we give a mixed signal. It's okay one day, but not the next. It's okay in here, but not in there. Make the rule for the whole house. Then, only after the rule has "stuck" is it okay to make some exceptions. Make the exceptions very clear too. 

My dog, Hunni, sleeps with my son every night. She is allowed on his bed. She doesn't have to ask. She has to ask to get on any other human furniture. She is not allowed to just hop up and get comfy. If she breaks the rule, she has to get down. She's got it figured out that the kid's bed is okay, and everywhere else, you need to ask. 

Remember, at the beginning, I talked about how we're thinking of lots of things at once? It's helpful, when you're saying a training statement, to send a little picture along with the right behavior. That takes some presence, but is do-able. For the cat, it's a picture of him in the box, scratching away on the cardboard. 

Careful attention now, saves serious annoyance down the line. 

Training Tuesday- How to Be a Leader without Being a Jerk

When a trainer tells you to dominate your dog, to be in charge, does part of you feel alienated by this idea? Do you think, "What if my pet stops liking me?" You're not alone. 

I haven't met a pet yet that didn't like their owner and didn't want to get along. I have met many pets that didn't realize that their behavior was causing a problem for their owners. 

I find it interesting that a pet can be so in tune with a client spiritually and emotionally and yet not get that the pile of poo in the living room is a problem!

So, how do we reach out and be a leader if we're passive? And how do we get through to our pets when they don't understand? 

A dominant person says, "I'm in charge. You'll do this my way." A leader says, "Here's the goal. Let's find a way to get to it."  A leader guides the process. A dominant dictates the experience. 

If you're not naturally dominant, and you try to take on all the characteristics of a dominant, your pet will be alienated. They will wonder why you are acting so weird. 

But, if you say to your pet, "Hey, I need things to be this way. I want to listen and meet your needs too. Let's work together to get there", then voila, a door opens up.  

There are 3 ways to establish and maintain a state of leadership with a pet. None of them require rolling anyone on their back. 

They are:

1. Logical consequences

2. Careful attention to energy

3. Setting an animal up for success 

Let's talk about logical consequences first, and we'll save careful attention and success for tomorrow and Friday. 

What is a logical consequence? It's a consequence that occurs because a behavior happens. It's the training if/then statement.  In my household, if you are a dog and you don't stay out of the kitchen while I am cooking dinner, then you don't get a yummy treat.  If you do stay out, you do.  The logical consequence of leaving me in peace to cook dinner is something yummy. My dogs love this approach. 

In fact, my dogs know the word "kitchen" to mean "I request that you immediately leave this room". 

A logical consequence occurs every time and is directly related to an activity. Over time, my dogs learned that staying out of the kitchen equals a treat, to the point where they don't even think about it anymore. 

Some logical consequences occur because a natural consequence would be devastating. If my dogs jump out of the car in a parking lot, the natural consequence is that they could be hit by a car. The logical consequence for my dogs is that if they jump out of the car without permission,they get back in the car and have to sit and wait for a minute until they calm their doggie selves down. 

Notice that at no point in this am I requiring or suggesting that you bring out your mean voice. Just that you have an expectation that your pets behave a certain way, because it's good for them and you and for your relationship. 

Tomorrow- the purpose of careful attention to energy. We'll talk about how to apply this idea to your pet's behavior in ways that are fun and exciting. 

Training Tuesday- Using the right energy to catch your pet

In the book, The River Why, a man hooks a salmon with a 3 lb. test line. This is light enough to break with any resistance. He follows this salmon all night feeling the energy of the salmon through this tenuous filament. The salmon gets used to his presence, so used to it that he can enter the water and pick it up, should he choose. For the man, it is a spiritual experience.

I've had spiritual experiences with my horse, following him around the pasture, looping left and right as he turns and faces, and stops and decides whether I can come closer or whether I'm just fine right there. 

Mostly I can walk up, touch his shoulder, say hello, groom at liberty. This all changes when the farrier comes. Ed likes his farrier. She's kind and gentle and pretty quick. But Ed is not a fan of the pedicure. And thus, our game of catch is far more difficult.

The energy technique that I use to catch Ed is also good for catching any pet who needs grooming or medicine. 

The first thing that's important is this mindset: you have all day. If there is any outside chance that you will give up on catching your pet, you've already lost. A smart pet will wait you out. 

Secondly, Don't over-identify with your pet's potential discomfort. If you think, "Oh my poor baby needs to get a shot today!", your cat will not come out from under the bed. Instead, think, "This is a necessary part of life, and it's going to be okay." (Because it is and it is). 

Third, approach your pet in a way that doesn't signify you're a predator. Pet brains will always pick up on predator behavior. For horses, this means that I can't walk straight up to Ed. Instead, I walk in curves, s-shapes. I walk with gentle determination. 

I feel for Ed's energy. I get him just to the point where he's going to take off, and then I stop and back off. When his energy dies down, I take a step closer, and wait. Slowly, we get to the point where he's comfortable with me touching his shoulder, and neck. Then he's ready to be haltered. 

For cats and dogs, I usually walk into the room that they're in, shut the door and sit down. They approach and as soon as they get close enough, I pick them up. If they're not coming close to me, I settle in a few feet away. 

Again, it's important to keep a gentle and loving, but determined mindset. 

Also, do not hurry. Hurrying creates urgency which creates a sense of panic. Every healthy creature avoids panic. 

I know that as soon as I post this, someone is going to ask, "Hey, how does this work with my dog at the park?" 

Getting your dog to come to you at the park is a combination of last week's Tuesday Training and this one. Your dog has to know to pay attention to you first. Again, if there is any chance in your head that they will get to stay and play, they're staying and playing. :) 

I hope this helps you today! 

Training Tuesday- How to Get your Dog to Stop Pulling on the Leash

Are you walking that dog or is that dog walking you? ha ha ha. I got that a lot when I tried to walk my weimaraner, Beulah. 

Dogs that pull have a different attention focus than dogs that don't pull. Dogs that pull are in a fugue state of smells and movement. Dogs that don't pull are thinking about you, at least a little bit. 

The key to a non-pulling dog is getting your dog to pay attention to you. The place to learn how to pay attention is in your living room. 

Start by practicing your smooch noise (or get a clicker from your local independently-owned pet supply store). A smooch noise is that noise that you used to make when your big sister talked on the phone to her boyfriend.  

Get a pile of little treats. Each one should be no bigger than a goldfish cracker. If your dog is a small dog, then make the treats even smaller. 

Let's say your dog's name is "Kirby". The first think you're going to do is say, "Kirby". When Kirby makes eye contact, make a smooch sound and give him a little treat. 

Please note: you do not have to say "Kirby" in a super-excited voice. Say it in a normal voice. 

Wait until he stops being interested, and then do it again: "Kirby".  Kirby makes eye contact, you make a smooch sound and give him a treat. 

Do this name calling-eye contact-smooch-treat action about 15 times. 

Then wait a day and do it again. 

Then wait a day then do it again. This time, you don't need to treat every time. You can start treating every few times. Remember though to make the smooch sound when he makes eye contact. 

The next day, try it in your driveway with Kirby on-leash. 

The next day, walk around the block with treats and any time that Kirby pulls, say "Kirby!" and when he looks at you smooch and treat. 

Here's where coordination is key. If he is pulling, give a short tug as you say Kirby. Release, smooch and treat. 

Slowly phase out the treats. You'll find that as you do this, Kirby will remember to keep his leash loose. 

If your dog is really not listening, do not run after them smooching. Go back to the driveway and keep working at it. The lightbulb will go on. 

But what about choke collars or pinch collars? If you have to depend on a pinch or choke collar to keep your dog in line, you've got a dog that needs more training. One of my weimaraners nearly passed out from pushing against is choke collar. While you're in training, you can use a gentle leader. They're easier on the neck and provide more control.

Ideally, we want our dogs to be smart and self-regulating. If your collar breaks while you're on a walk, you want a dog that will look to you for direction, not go running into traffic.